Insight
by kjt1
Summary: Josh has an accident at work - will it change his life forever? (JD) Part 7 posted - fic complete.
1. Part 1

Title:  Insight

Rating: PG

Spoilers:  S4 onwards, but only because Will is in it.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, much as I wish.

A/N:  K, this deals with some medical issues (don't worry, no major angst).  I'm not a doctor, so I apologize if I've got anything wrong – I did as much research as I could via the lovely internet but it, and me, don't know everything.  Also, the reason this is so long is because it's mostly dialogue based.  For some reason, every time I try to write something descriptive, dialogue always ends up sneaking in there so, I've given up and gone with the flow. g

Archive:  Sure, but ask first, also at the new Yahoo J/D group 'Impervious'

Feedback:  Always appreciated

***

Part 1

**

"Donna, can you bring me the –"

"Josh?  What do you need?" Donna yelled back, finally getting up and crossing to his door when he didn't reply.  "Josh?" she called again, moving into his doorway.  "Josh!"

She found him lying on the floor beside his desk, barely conscious.

"Josh, are you okay?" she asked in panic.

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay," he mumbled.

"What happened?"

Josh was still lying on the floor, with one hand over his face and he took a moment before replying.

"I dunno; I guess I must have slipped or something."  
  


Donna looked around the office.

"Oh, Josh, it's no wonder I don't bring you coffee; all you do is slop it around the place.  You must have spilt some on the floor and then slipped on it."

"Oh, yeah, that sounds about right," he admitted sheepishly.

"You ready to stand up?" she prompted.

"Actually, no."

"No?  Josh, are you okay?"

He didn't look hurt, but he was screwing his face up.

"Donna, what time is it?"

She checked her watch.

"It's after 10, why?"  
  
"So, there's not many people around then?"  
  
"No, I think we're the only ones still here apart from Security; it's Saturday night after all."  
  
"Good."

"What's good about that?  It's after 10 on a Saturday night and we're in the office; that's not good, I mean –"

"Donna," Josh interrupted.  "I can't see."

"What?  You can't see what's wrong with still being at work.  Honestly, Josh, do you have no idea of what a social life is?"  
  


"No, Donna," he said with urgency, "I can't *see*.  I've opened my eyes, but I can't see anything.  My eyes are open, right?"

There was fear in his voice and Donna looked at him carefully, wondering if he was messing with her, but knowing that he wouldn't do that.

"Your eyes are open, Josh.  You're… you're serious, aren't you?" she asked, trying to stop her voice from cracking.

"Yeah, I am."

"I'll call the paramedics."  
  
"No!" he yelled to stop her.  "No," he repeated more quietly.  "That'll attract too much attention.  Can you take me to the hospital?  Please?"

"Josh, I… you need urgent medical attention."  
  
"I know, but not here, Donna, please.  Look, just help me stand up, we'll get our coats and you can drive me to the hospital.  People will just think you're driving me home after a long day."

"I don't know about this, Josh," she said warily.

"Donna, please," he pleaded.

"Okay, here, I'm gonna help you up."

She placed a hand behind his back and helped him to first sit up and then stand up.

"Wait here for a sec while I get my coat and then I'll help you with yours."  
  
"Okay."

She returned a moment later and Josh felt her put the coat over his shoulders and held his arms out so she could slip it on properly.

"Slip your hand through my arm, Josh," she instructed.  "It'll make it easier to get to my car."  
  
"My car," he corrected.  "We'll take mine."

"Okay."

*

Thanks to Josh's complete faith and trust in Donna, it didn't take too long to reach his car and Donna drove straight to George Washington hospital.  She guided Josh into the Emergency Room and talked to the receptionist.

"Hi, my boss, Josh Lyman, needs to see a doctor right away."  
  
"I'm sorry, ma'am, but there's a wait for the doctor; we have a triage system in operation though, so let me take some details."

"Look, you don't understand," Donna started.  "I don't like playing the VIP card, but I have to.  This," she paused and pointed to Josh, who was leaning on the counter beside her, "is Josh Lyman, White House Deputy Chief of Staff and he's had an accident.  He needs to see a doctor urgently and it needs to be confidential; people can't know he's here."

The receptionist looked from Donna to Josh and back again.

"Ma'am, I recognize him, but he doesn't look that hurt, so he'll still need to go through triage.  Why don't you both take a seat, fill in these forms and I'll get the triage nurse to see you."

"But –"

Donna's argument was cut off when the receptionist passed her a clipboard and turned away.

"Do you want me to get into this?" Josh offered.

"I don't think you shouting will help much, do you?"

"No, but it'll make me feel better."

"Let's just sit down, Josh," she suggested with a chuckle, taking his hand to lead him to the chairs.

As expected on a Saturday night, the emergency room was busy and Donna groaned when she saw looks of recognition appearing on people's faces when they saw Josh sit down.  She hurriedly filled in the forms and attached the photocopy of his insurance details that she always carried.

"Josh, stay here for a second, I'm just gonna hand the forms in, okay?"  
  
"Okay."

She walked back to the counter and handed the clipboard to the receptionist.

"How long before the triage nurse is available?"

"It won't be long."  
  
"Okay, but please, tell the nurse not to call Josh's name out; just come and get us, it'll be easier that way."  
  
"I'll see what I can do," the receptionist promised, softening with the worry in Donna's voice.

Donna sat back down beside Josh.

"I'm back; you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," he replied, but Donna could sense the fear in his voice.

"The triage nurse will be here in a minute and then we'll get a doctor to see you, okay?  I'm gonna play the White House card again if I need to, get you bumped up the list."  
  
"Good, I don't think it's a good idea for me to be sitting here like this."  
  
"I know," she agreed.

"Mr Lyman, do you want to come with me?" a female nurse with a kind face said quietly a few minutes later.

Donna nodded and stood up, taking Josh's hand.  They followed the nurse to a cubicle and Donna settled Josh into a chair before explaining what had happened.

"Josh, I'll be right outside, okay?"

"No, Donna, stay.  She can stay, right?" he asked the nurse.

"If that's what you want, yes."

"Yeah, that's what I want," Josh confirmed, knowing he'd feel more comfortable, and less vulnerable, if Donna was there.

"Okay, Josh, I'm in a chair just next to you," Donna said.

The nurse asked Josh to tell her exactly what had happened in the office.

"All I remember is getting up from my chair and yelling for Donna to bring me something; the next thing I knew, I was on the floor."

"You don't remember how you fell?"

"No, but according to Donna, there was probably coffee involved," he grinned, getting some of his humor back.

Donna explained about the mess on the floor and the nurse nodded.

"Okay, Mr Lyman, do you remember hitting your head when you fell?"

"Call me Josh.  And, yeah, I think I must have hit my head; it sure hurts like hell."

"Okay, I'm just gonna have a look at your head, Josh."

He nodded slowly and then cringed as the nurse's hands came into contact with his head.

"Alright, you have a large contusion on your head, so I think it's a safe bet that you hit your head."

"Is that what's causing the blindness?" Donna asked.

"It's possible," the nurse replied, "but I think we should let the doctor decide that.  I think I'm gonna move you to another room so that the doctor can do an eye exam, okay?"

"Okay," Josh agreed, waiting for Donna to take his hand and help him up.

The nurse led them to another room and told them she'd get a doctor through as soon as possible.

"Josh, you okay?" Donna asked while they waited.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"Scared?"

"A little," he admitted.

"Hey, do you want me to call Leo?"

"What?  No, not yet; let's see what the doctor says first, okay?"

"Okay."

They lapsed into silence for a while, each with worrying thoughts running through their minds.

"Mr Lyman?  I'm Dr Johnson.  I believe you have a problem with your eyes."

"Well, I can't see so, yeah, I'd say I have a problem," Josh said dryly.

"Josh," Donna warned. 

"Sorry."  He turned his attention to the direction in which he'd heard the doctor's voice come from.  "Is it okay if Donna stays while you do this?" he asked, his voice low to hide the tremble it held.

"That's fine," the doctor replied, smiling at Donna.  "This isn't going to hurt as such, but it might sting a little while I apply some solution; I'm going to check without it first though, okay?"

"Okay," Josh agreed.

Donna watched while the doctor performed the eye exam, though she couldn't see much in the darkened room.  The doctor talked to Josh all the way through, telling him what he was about to do and why, but he didn't answer when Josh asked him what the tests were telling him; instead, he just moved on to the next tests.

"Alright, Mr Lyman, you have what we call –"

"Put it in layman's terms please," Josh interrupted to request.  "I wanna know what's wrong, not be confused by doctor speak."  His tone held merely a trace of humor.

"Okay, well, to put it simply, you're suffering from blindness."

"And you're gonna charge my insurance how much for that diagnosis?" Josh said dryly.

"I'm sorry, Mr Lyman, but there's no other way to say it."

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry," Josh said seriously before Donna could chastise him.  "Is it… How long will it last?" he finally asked, not able to say the word 'permanent'.

"I can't answer that, Mr Lyman."

"Call me Josh, please.  What do you mean you can't answer that?"

"I can't answer because I honestly don't know, Josh."  The doctor looked at Donna while he continued, "It could be a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks."

"Or a few months?" Donna asked in a whisper; Josh heard her though and his body visibly tensed.

"I don't know," the doctor said solemnly.  "I would say that it's highly unlikely it'll be permanent though, but there are no guarantees."

"Is there anything I can do?  Hit my head again, like they do in the movies?" Josh asked, trying to be funny, but sounding more desperate.

"You just have to wait, I'm sorry."

"Aren't there more tests you can do, to see how serious it is?" Donna asked.

"No," the doctor shook his head.  "All the tests I did were negative for damage to the eyes.  It's likely that your brain took a knock when you fell, Josh, and now it needs time to recover."

"Well, at least that means you *have* a brain, Josh," Donna quipped in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

"Funny, Donna," Josh said half-heartedly, his body slumped in the chair.

"You must have really hit your head hard when you fell, Josh.  The contusion on the back of your head is big and deep and it's obviously affected the occipital lobe to cause the transient cortical blindness.  The brain has an amazing way of healing itself, but it does it in its own time.  You were knocked out for a few moments when you fell?" he asked, consulting the notes again.

"Yes," Josh confirmed, "I think I was."

"He was barely conscious when I found him," Donna added.

"Okay, well, we can probably add concussion to the list.  We're going to need to keep you in overnight, Josh, so that we can monitor you; it's standard for all head traumas."

"I can't," Josh said firmly.

"Josh, you have to," Donna pointed out just as firmly.

"Donna, I can't spend the night in hospital.  How would we explain it to the press?"

"By telling the truth; you had an accident."

"I can't let them know about this," Josh argued.  "They can't know I'm blind."

"You might not be blind tomorrow, Josh," Donna said hopefully.

"But then again, I might be and, knowing my luck, I *will* be," he said with a resigned sigh.

"Either way, you have to stay here tonight, Josh.  You don't have an option anyway, I'm not taking you home like this."

"Donna," he almost whined.

"Josh, I mean it, please stay here tonight."

Her voice was filled with such worry that Josh finally nodded his agreement.

"You'd better call Leo… and CJ," he said.

"I will."

"Okay, I'm going to arrange a bed for you, Josh," the doctor said.  "We'll get you moved as soon as possible."

"Thanks," Josh said as the doctor left the room.

"I can't use a cellphone in here, Josh, so I'll call Leo when they move you, okay?" Donna said softly.

Josh said nothing for a few moments and then, "What am I going to do, Donna?"

His voice held such fear that Donna thought her heart was going to break.  Josh was a fighter and it frightened her to hear his anxiety about his situation.

"You're going to be okay, Josh," she said with more confidence than she felt.

*

As soon as the orderly came to move Josh to his room, Donna made her way outside to call Leo.

"McGarry," a slightly gruff voice answered. Donna checked her watch and realized it was nearly midnight.  "Leo, it's Donna Moss.  I'm sorry to call so late, but –"  
  
"What's wrong?" Leo asked immediately.  "What's happened?"

"Uh… I… " she stammered.  "Josh has had an accident."

"What kind of accident?  Is he hurt?" he asked when Donna didn't continue.

"Yeah, I mean, he's okay," she said quickly, trying not to alarm Leo.  "He… He slipped in his office and hit his head."

"Is he alright?" he asked with concern, biting back the urge to ask if it had knocked any sense into him.

"He's okay," she repeated, but her tone was lack-luster.

"I sense a but coming."

"He… he…" she stammered again, trying to stop the sobs that were in the back of her throat.

"Donna?" Leo prompted softly.

"He can't see, Leo."

"What?  What do you mean?  Donna?"

"The doctor said it's a result of the head injury and it's most likely temporary, but they don't know how temporary."

"Where is he?"

"GW.  They're keeping him in overnight for observation."

"You're there now?"

"Yes."  
  


"I'm on my way."

"Leo, you don't –"  
  
"I'm on my way, Donna."

"Thanks, Leo," she sighed gratefully.  "I'll call CJ," she added.

"No, I'll do it, once I've seen him."

"Okay, I'll see you when you get here."

*

"Josh, I'm just gonna go get some coffee, okay?" Donna said as she spotted Leo standing outside the door.

"You're just doing that to annoy me, aren't you?" he grinned.

"No, I'm doing it because it's really late and I need something to keep me awake; the fact that it'll annoy you is just an added bonus."

"How late is it?" Josh asked.  "We left the office around ten, but I have no idea what time it is now."

"It's nearly 12:30," she replied honestly, having been tempted to lie since she knew what Josh's reaction would be.

"God, Donna, I'm sorry, I didn't realize.  Look, you should go."

"No, I'm gonna wait for Leo.  I'm gonna grab a coffee though, I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay," he reluctantly agreed.

*  
  
"Hi, Leo," Donna said softly as she pulled the door to Josh's room closed behind her.

"Donna, how are you?" Leo asked seriously, studying her tired and worried face.

"I'm okay," she lied.

"How's he?" he inquired, nodding towards Josh, who was just visible through the glass panel in the door.

Donna looked through the glass at her boss and friend.

"Scared," she answered honestly, "but trying to put a brave face on it."

"Why am I not surprised?" he asked rhetorically.

"Go on in, Leo, I told him you were coming."  
  
"You're not coming back in?"

"I'll be back in a minute, but I figured you'd want to see him alone first."

"Donna, it's fine."

"No, it's okay, I said I was gonna get some coffee anyway.  I'll just be a minute though, the coffee machine is right there."

Leo nodded and opened the door as Donna walked away.

"Donna?" Josh asked from his bed.

"No, it's Leo."

"Hi, Leo," Josh said with forced cheerfulness.

"How are you doing, Josh?" Leo questioned as he sat down and patted the bed to let Josh know he was sitting beside it.

"I'm just dandy," he replied sarcastically, immediately regretting his tone.  "I'm sorry, Leo, it's just –"

"It's okay, Josh, I understand.  So, how did this happen?"

Josh was silent for a long moment, trying to keep his emotions under control.  Leo waited patiently for him to answer, silently willing strength into the younger man.

"I don't really remember, but Donna's theory is that it had something to do with coffee."

"Coffee?"

"He spilled it, *again*," Donna explained as she re-entered the room and handed Leo a cup of coffee before taking a seat next to him.  "This time, he spilled it on the floor, rather than over the files on his desk and I think he must have slipped on it."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Hey, she only *thinks* that's what I did," Josh defended.  "She has no proof."

"Do you have a better explanation?" Donna asked pointedly.

"No," he admitted sheepishly.  "But, you know, stop picking on me; don't you think I'm suffering enough?"  He had meant it as a joke, but he could tell from Donna's silence that his words had affected her.  "I'm okay, Donna," he assured softly.

"I know," she replied just as softly.  "Don't think being injured means I'm gonna go easy on you though, Josh," she added with a laugh, trying to lighten the atmosphere as she caught the look in Leo's eyes.

"I didn't for a second think you would," Josh commented.

"So, what did the doctor say?" Leo asked.

"Oh, you haven't discussed it already?" Donna said with surprise.  "I'll g—"

"Stay, Donna," both Leo and Josh said; she smiled at them both, even though Josh couldn't see her.

"The doctor basically said that he doesn't know how long I'll be like this, only that he's pretty sure it's not gonna be permanent."

"Is there anything they can do for you?"

"No, I just have to wait."

"You have to wait?  That'll be interesting," Leo said sarcastically.

"I can be patient."

Donna snorted with laughter at his comment and Leo chuckled along with her, earning them both a wounded sigh from Josh.

"They're just keeping you in overnight?"

"Yeah, and that's only because I have a head injury.  I'll be out first thing tomorrow morning," Josh said resolutely.

"You'll get out when you're ready, Josh," Donna said firmly, forgetting for a moment that Leo was there; she'd never have spoken to Josh in that way otherwise.

"Before you argue, Josh, Donna is right; you'll get out of here when you're ready and not before."

"Leo, I'm –"  
  
"Josh, this isn't up for discussion."

"Alright, but I'm only agreeing because I know they'll let me home tomorrow anyway."

Both Leo and Donna let the comment pass, sharing a glance with each other and rolling their eyes.

"Donna, can you collect him tomorrow?" Leo asked.

"Yes, of course," Donna smiled.

"Good.  Don't bother coming into the office first, you'll need a lie in anyway."  
  
"Thanks, Leo."

"How did you get here tonight?  I assume you didn't call the paramedics or I would have been informed."

"We drove," Josh answered.

"Okay.  Donna, I'll take you home," Leo said.

"But, Josh's car is here."

"And it'll still be here when you come back.  It's too late for you to drive, Donna, I'll make sure you get home and then you can get a cab here tomorrow."

"But –"  
  
"Do it, Donna," Josh said firmly.

"Alright," she agreed.

"I called CJ, by the way," Leo told them both.  "I was gonna wait until I'd seen you, but I thought I'd better give her an early heads-up."

"You think this is gonna become a thing?"

"Of course it's gonna become a thing, Josh.  The Deputy Chief of Staff has an accident in his office and is blinded; yeah, it's gonna become a thing," Leo replied dryly.

"It'll only become a thing if people know about it," Josh pointed out.

"Josh, something like this is bound to be leaked and anyway, the press will want to know why you're not at work tomorrow, since you always work Sundays, even if only for an hour or so" Leo commented.

"But, I'll be at work tomorrow."  
  
"No, you won't and, if you were, you don't think they'd realize that you can't see?"

"You have a point, but I'll be there," Josh said adamantly.

"Josh, get some sleep," Leo ordered.  "Donna, you ready to go?"

"Yeah," she nodded.  "Josh, is there anything you need?" she asked gently.

"Well, being able to see would be a start," he replied automatically.

"Josh."

"No, I'm fine, Donna," he said apologetically.  "Go home and get some sleep."

"Okay, bye, Josh."

"Bye, Josh," Leo echoed.

"Donna?" Josh called as they were at the door.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks… I appreciate your help tonight."

"Leo, you heard that, right?" Donna laughed.  "You can be my witness that Josh *does* know how to say thank you after all."

"Hey!" Josh said in a mock-wounded tone.

"Goodbye, Josh," Leo said firmly as a way of preventing yet another Josh and Donna argument.  He opened the door and allowed Donna to pass before following her out.

**

TBC…


	2. Part 2

Title:  Insight

Rating: PG

Spoilers:  Through S5

Disclaimer:  I don't own 'em, much as I wish.

Archive:  Sure, but ask first

Feedback:  Always appreciated

Notes:  As I said before, I'm not a doctor and I don't know how much of this is factually correct; if anyone has any suggestions on how I can make it more realistic, please let me know.  I should also point out that the Josh/Leo tension in S5 plays a part in this fic.

2/?

**

"Hi, Josh."  
  
"Hey, Donna," Josh said cheerily as she entered the room; he knew he would soon be getting out of hospital.

"How are you doing?" she asked as she dropped the bag she was carrying and sat down.

"I'm good."

"Is there any change?"  
  
"No, I still can't see."

Donna was surprised by his cheerful tone, having expected him to be disheartened and perhaps depressed about his current state.

"Has the doctor been round?"  
  
"Yeah and a counselor."  
  
"A counselor?"

"Yeah.  She came to explain what I can expect, what some of the problems I might face will be, that kind of stuff."  
  
"Oh, right.  What did she tell you?"  
  
"She said she was leaving a leaflet on the table that explains everything."  
  
"A leaflet?" Donna queried in surprise.

"Yeah, obviously, it's no good to me," he chuckled ruefully, "but she said it might be of use to the people around me."

"Right," Donna nodded, picking up the leaflet and skimming through it.  "I assume she told you what's in here?"

"Yeah.  She basically said that I need to mentally map out rooms and places I'm gonna be, so that I don't injure myself.  My apartment and office should be okay, since I know them like the back of my hand, but other stuff might not be so easy.  She also said that I need to make sure there are no sharp corners and stuff that I can bump into."

"Right.  It says something here about always wearing dark glasses; what's that about?"

"Ah.  Well, because they expect this just to be temporary, there are some precautions I have to take.  My sight will likely come back gradually and both she and the doctor said that, when it starts to come back, it will be a shock to my system.  I'll probably just start by seeing shapes and then colors, but direct sunlight and strong lights could cause me pain at first, so I need to wear dark glasses to prevent that."

"Okay.  Well, I didn't bring any glasses, I'm afraid; I didn't know."

"It's okay, there are some in my car," he smiled.

"Right, well, I brought some clothes, so you can get dressed to go home."

"Thanks.  Hey, you haven't put some really wacky tie in for me, have you, so that everyone will stare at me in the office?"

"No, I haven't," she laughed.  "But, I think everyone will stare at you anyway when you eventually go into the office, don't you?  You are ready for that, aren't you?" she asked with worry.

"I'm ready," he assured, "and it's not as if I'll be able to see their faces," he shrugged.  "Wait, what do you mean when I *eventually* go into the office?"

"Well, you're not going in today," she said matter-of-factly.

"The hell I'm not!" he blustered.  "Donna, I have to go to work, the day is half-gone already."

"Josh, it's 10am."

"Okay, well, it's a third gone," he amended with a grin.  "All the more reason to go in now, I still have time left to do some work."

"Josh," she sighed.  "You are not going into the office today."

"I am, now give me my clothes."

"I only packed jeans and a shirt, Josh; you can't go into the office wearing that.  It might be Sunday, but there are meetings going on today."

"I don't think anyone will care about what I'm *wearing* when I get there, Donna," he said dryly.

"No, Josh, you are *not* going to the office," she said forcefully.

"Donna, I—"

"I'm not taking you there, Josh," she insisted.  "For one thing, your doctor wouldn't recommend it, you still need to rest and, for another, Leo told me to make sure you take the day off."

"Fine, I'll go home, but I'll be back in the office tomorrow," he vowed.

"Wait and see how you are, Josh."

"Well, I would if I could," he said wryly.

"Oh, I—I'm sorry, Josh, I didn't think."

"It's okay," he smiled,  "Don't worry about it, I don't want people having to be careful what they say to me, Donna, I can handle it."

"Alright.  Well, your clothes are on the end of the bed," she said as she finished laying out the clothes she'd brought.  "Will you manage?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he nodded, already reaching to remove the hospital gown.

"Josh, stop," Donna said in shock.  "Just because you can't see me, doesn't mean I can't see you."

"Oh, yeah, right," he grinned ruefully.

"I'll just draw the curtains round your bed, to stop anyone seeing in through the door, and then I'll wait on the other side of the curtains in case you need something, alright?"

"Yeah, okay," he agreed as he felt his way around the clothes she'd left.

"You can get dressed now, Josh," she told him as she finished drawing the curtains.

"Okay."

*

"Okay, Josh, just sit down on the couch for now until I get rid of your bag and stuff," Donna said as she let them into Josh's apartment and led him to the couch.

"I'm okay, I know my way around my apartment, Donna."

"Josh, please, just sit for a minute."

"Alright," he acquiesced.

Donna took his bag into his bedroom and threw some stuff into the laundry basket before going back to the living room.

"Okay, I need to go into work to finish some stuff off I didn't manage last night, but I'll get you settled first."  
  
"I'm not a child, Donna," he bristled.

"I'm sorry, Josh," she said quietly.  "Is there anything you need me to do?"

"I'm gonna walk around for a minute, make sure I've got my bearings but, after that, I should be fine.  I wouldn't mind something to drink though, since I don't think it would be a good idea to boil a kettle and stuff right now, until I get used to this."

"Okay, I'll make you up a flask of coffee," she said.  "Do you want me to watch you walk around, make sure you get everything right?"  
  
"Yeah," he replied gratefully.

Josh successfully navigated his way around and then collapsed back onto the couch, emotionally exhausted from having to search his memory for every little detail of his apartment.  Donna had followed him around and moved any precarious looking objects that he might bump into, ensuring he could be left on his own while she went to work.  As he rested, she made a pot of coffee to pour into a flask for him and also made up some sandwiches, covering them in foil and putting them in the fridge.

"Josh, the flask is on the coffee table right in front of you, and I placed the mug next to it, but they're both on a tray in case you spill when pouring.  I also made up some sandwiches; they're on a plate in the fridge."

"Thanks, Donna," he said gratefully.

"I should get to work, is there anything else you need?"

"No, I'm okay," he assured.  "Tell Leo I'll call him later, I'm just gonna sleep for a bit."

"You'll manage to –"

"I think I can find speed dial number 3 on my phone, Donna," he stated.

"Okay.  I'll see you later, Josh."

"Bye, Donna and thanks."

*

"Josh Lyman," Donna said into the phone, glancing at the clock and finding it read 7:06pm; she wondered when it had gotten so late.

"Yeah, it is Josh Lyman."

"Oh, hey," she smiled.  "How are you?"  
  
"I'm good, though I'm kinda hungry."

"Oh, right, sorry, I didn't even think about dinner for you.  I'll be there as soon as I can."

"No, don't worry about it," he said.  "I'm gonna come in."

"Come in?"  
  
"To the office, I need to talk to Leo."

"Josh, you can't come in, CJ hasn't briefed about you yet."

"I know, that's why I've waited until now, there shouldn't be too many people around."

"I don't know if Leo will –"

"I've already talked to him," Josh cut her off to say.  "He's the reason I'm coming in."

There was something in his tone that made her ask, "Is something wrong?"

"No, not really, I just need to talk to Leo, face to face."

"Oh, okay.  Do you want me to come and get you?"

"Nah, I'll get a cab."

"How are you –"

"Speed dial number 9," he chuckled.  "And I'll tell them to send the guy up to help me get downstairs."

"Are you sure that's wise?" she asked with concern.

"It'll be fine.  I'll be there in about an hour."

"Okay, I'll rustle up some food from the Mess."  
  
"Thanks.  Bye."

*

"Hey, Josh," Donna called as she arrived in the lobby.

"Donna, why have I been held at Security," Josh immediately demanded.

"To make sure you get to your office in one piece."

"But, I—"  
  
"Leo's orders."

"Why am I not surprised?" he muttered.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Josh, why are you so pissed?"

"I've suddenly gone blind, Donna; don't you think I have a right to be a little pissed?" he said with a tone of anger as Donna led him by the arm to his office.  There weren't many people around, but those that were still working gave them odd looks, not so much because Josh was holding onto Donna's arm, but more because he was wearing shades, inside, at night.

"I don't think you're just pissed in general though, Josh, you were annoyed earlier when Leo was mentioned as well.  What are you here to see him about?"

"Work."

"What work?"

"That's just it, if Leo gets his way, I won't have any."

"What?  What do you mean, Josh?  We're in your office now," she said as she closed the door and pushed him down into a chair.

"Can you let Leo know that I'm here?"

"Yeah, but what do you need to talk to him about?  Josh?"

"I just… I need to talk to him, Donna, okay," he replied, his temper beginning to rise.

"Alright, I'll go call Margaret," she said quietly, choosing to use the phone at her desk rather than the one in his office.

"Thanks."

*

"Leo says Margaret wants me to take you to his office, Josh," Donna said as she re-entered his office.

"I can find the way."

"Josh."

"Fine," he sighed.  "Let's go."

He stood up from the chair and held a hand out for Donna.  Tucking his hand into the crook of her elbow, she led the way to Leo's office.

The door to Leo's office from the corridor was open, so they entered by it, rather than going past Margaret's desk.

"Leo?" Donna said quietly to attract his attention.

"Oh, hi," he said as he looked up.  "Josh, how are you?"  
  
"I'm fine," he answered quickly in a clipped tone.

"Take a seat."  Leo motioned with his hand to the couch, watching as Donna got Josh settled.  

"I'll be outside, Josh," she said quietly.  "Just let me know when you're ready to go."  
  
"Yeah," he replied absently, adjusting the cushion behind his back to make himself more comfortable.

*

"You can't do that, Leo!" Josh yelled.

Margaret and Donna exchanged glances and looked back at the closed door to Leo's office.

"No, I will not stop yelling!  Leo, you can't do this!"

Donna kept her eyes fixed firmly on the door, but she could tell that Margaret was watching her closely, probably trying to decide if she was about to burst into Leo's office.

"DONNA!"

With a quick look back at Margaret, Donna opened the door and entered the office, feeling like she was walking into a lion's den.

"DONNA!" Josh yelled again.

"Josh, I'm here," she said quietly, walking to him and placing a hand lightly on his arm.

"Good, get me out of here."

"What?" she asked in confusion, her eyes meeting Leo's and finding a stony look on his face.

"Take me to my office," Josh ordered, then added, "please."

"No, Josh," Leo said firmly.

"Leo, I'm going."  
  


"No, you're not."

"Should I wait outside?" Donna asked, realizing both their tempers were still at breaking point. 

"No, you can take me to my office," Josh replied, pushing himself up from the couch.

"Josh, I told you, you are not working," Leo stated.

"And *I* told *you*, you can't stop me," Josh stated just as firmly.

"Maybe you should go home, Josh, sort everything out in the morning," Donna suggested as a compromise.

"And give him a chance to get my security clearance wiped, I don't think so."

"Josh, I can get you thrown out right now," Leo pointed out, though it was more of a not-so-veiled threat.

"You do that and tomorrow all you'll see in the papers is how the Bartlet Administration breaks the anti-discrimination employment laws," Josh warned.

"Josh!" Donna said in shock, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Donna, Leo here seems to think that, just because I'm blind, I can't do my job.  He wants me to take a leave of absence.  Actually, make that he's *ordering* me to do so."

"What?"  Donna looked at Leo, stunned by Josh's words.  "Leo?"

"I don't have a choice, Josh," Leo said seriously, but unapologetically, ignoring the look on Donna's face.  "How are you going to do your job?"  
  
"I'm blind, Leo, not stupid!" Josh yelled.

"Josh, how are you supposed to go into meetings and handle them properly?  How are you going to take notes, or even read from notes?  I can't afford to send another Senior Staff member to accompany you at all meetings."  
  
"And if I take a leave of absence, that situation is going to be solved, is it?  What, you got someone lined up to take my place already?" Josh snarled.

"You know that's not the case, but I can sort something out."  
  
"Leo, it's discrimination!" Josh yelled again, getting angrier by the second.

"What do you suggest I do, Josh?" he yelled back.  He didn't want Josh to have to leave, he knew it would seriously affect him, but he couldn't see a way to avoid it; he didn't think Josh would be able to fully do his job and he couldn't let the Administration suffer because Josh wasn't fully operational.  He would sort something out to let Josh come back to work, but he needed time to make arrangements.

"I… Donna can help me," Josh replied.

"What?"

"What?" Donna echoed a moment later.

"Donna can come to my meetings, take notes, read out any stats I need."

"That's not possible, Josh," Leo stated.

"Why not?" Josh demanded to know.

"She doesn't have the security clearance for all your meetings, plus, she has her own work to do."

"We can get someone to take some of Donna's workload," Josh argued.  "She has security clearance for most things, she types the notes up, and those that she doesn't have clearance for would be high-level meetings, meaning you or another Staff member would be there anyway."

Leo looked at Josh like he'd gone crazy and he noticed Donna was doing the same.

"Josh, no, you're going home."  
  
"I told you, Leo, you send me home and I'll make it public that you're discriminating against me."

"Josh," Leo warned.  He didn't think Josh would actually jeopardize them like that, but the determination in his voice was making him wonder.

"Please, Leo, I've already lost my sight, don't make me lose my job as well," Josh pleaded, his resolve beginning to waver as he realized that Leo wasn't changing his mind.

"I think Josh is right, Leo," the President said from the doorway; Leo and Donna had been so focused on Josh that neither had seen him arrive.

"Sir?" Leo queried.

"I think it would be discrimination but, besides that, I don't think there's any need for it."

"Mr President –"

"Donna," the President continued, ignoring Leo, "how do you feel about Josh's plan, do you think you can handle helping him out even more than you already do?"

"Uh, yes, Sir, I mean, I… I think it's worth a try, Sir," she finally stammered out.

"So do I, so that's settled."

"Thank you, Sir," Josh said appreciatively.

"Josh, go home," the President ordered.

"Sir?"

"It's getting late, go home.  You and Donna will both need a good night's sleep if you're going to get through this; it'll likely be a couple of days before you can farm all the non-essential stuff out to others."  
  
"Yes, Sir," Josh nodded.

*

"You sure you're going to be alright?" Donna asked worriedly as she prepared to leave Josh's apartment.

"Donna, what can go wrong when all I'm going to do is sleep?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah, but you still have to *get* to sleep, you know, into bed and everything."  
  
"You're offering to help?" he grinned.

"Josh."

"Look, I'll be fine, really.  The only problem I'll have is trying to figure out what clothes to wear in the morning."

"I've already taken a suit and shirt out of your closet and hung them on the door.  I think you can manage the rest yourself," she smiled.

"You'll tell me if my socks don't match?"

"Maybe," she grinned.  "Do you want me to come over early, so I'm here if you have a problem showering?"

"Well, if you're offering to help with *that* --"

"Josh."

"Nah, I'll be okay, as long as I remember which is the shampoo and which is the shower gel."

"Do you want me to –"

"No, I'll figure it out, I have to," he said resolutely, though there was a grateful tone in his voice.

"Okay, well, I'll be over to pick you up to take you to work.  I've set your alarm for five."

"Thanks.  Hey, don't think that, just because I can't use it, it means you can drive my car the whole time I'm like this."

"You want to be seen in *my* car?"

"Good point, use mine," he grinned.

"Night, Josh."

"Thanks, Donna."

He heard the door close behind her and he fumbled around to flip the dead bolt.  Letting out a sigh, he said aloud, "Please let me get through this."

**

TBC


	3. Part 3

Title:  Insight

Rating: PG

Spoilers:  Through S5

Disclaimer:  I don't own 'em, much as I wish.

Archive:  Sure, but ask first.  All my fics can also be found at the website I share with Sharon – see my profile for details.

Feedback:  Always appreciated

Notes:  Thanks to those who've sent feedback asking me to continue this.  Sorry for the delay, but things have been hectic lately.

3/?

**

"Alright, before we finish up, I have a brief statement to make," CJ said as she addressed the White House Press Corps for their Monday morning briefing.  All eyes focused on her with curiosity, since none of them had heard any rumors about a potential story.  "Josh Lyman had an accident in the office on Saturday night and spent the night in George Washington hospital before he was released yesterday morning."  She stopped and looked across the room, catching Danny's eye and briefly smiling at him to show her gratitude for him not leaking the story the previous day; he was the only one whose sources had told him about Josh's hospital visit.

"CJ!  CJ!" the reporters called.

"I'll take a couple of questions in a moment, I have more to add," CJ stated.  Looking back down at the statement Toby had written with Josh's agreement, she continued, "As a result of the accident, Josh has lost his sight."  Gasps of disbelief filled the room and everyone stared at CJ.  "The doctors believe it is only temporary, but there are no guarantees.  Josh has been advised to wear dark glasses until his sight comes back so, if you see him around, don't think it's just his ego over-acting again," she grinned.

"He's going to keep working?" Katie asked.

"Yes, there's no reason why he shouldn't," CJ confirmed.

"Will any of his duties be affected?" Katie asked as a follow-up.

"We're going to lighten his load a little, but the majority of things will stay the same.  Donna Moss, Josh's assistant, will take a more active role in his meetings, to ensure that he can use all relevant data and, therefore, some of her duties will be re-assigned, but most things will continue as normal."

"How's Josh handling this, CJ?" Danny asked.  "And, how did the accident happen?"

"Josh is taking it in his stride.  As you know, it takes a lot to faze him and, as he reminded me just this morning when I asked him the same question, a bullet couldn't stop him, so this won't either.  As for how it happened, we're actually not sure as Josh doesn't remember and there were no witnesses but, from what we can piece together from Donna's account of how she found Josh lying on his office floor, it appears he spilled some coffee and then slipped on it, banging his head off his desk as he hit the floor."

There were a few chuckles around the room as they thought of Josh slipping on spilled coffee, but they soon remembered the outcome and became silent again.

"Any further questions?" CJ asked, knowing there would be more to come.  "Peter?"

"Was there any consideration given at any point to Josh taking a leave of absence?"

"Josh never considered taking time off," she answered, quickly getting her notes together and preparing to leave the podium.  "That's it, I'll have more for you later."

"CJ!  CJ!" the Press Corps kept calling as she left the room.  CJ quickened her stride and headed to her office.

"You didn't answer that last question, CJ," accused Danny as he caught up with her.

"Danny, I don't have time right now."

"Who wanted Josh to take time off?"

"Danny."

"Come on, CJ, you avoided the question."

"I answered the question," she stated.

"No, you answered _a_ question, but not the one that was asked."

"Danny."

"Who wanted Josh to take time off?" he repeated as they arrived at her office.

"Josh isn't taking time off."

"CJ –"

"Danny, I have work to do.  Josh will continue to work and we'll see how it goes."

"What does that mean?"

"It means, get out, Danny!"

"Bye, CJ," he grinned as he finally left.

"Carol, if Danny tries to come back here again, have a Secret Service Agent remove him from the building," CJ loudly told her assistant as she watched Danny's retreating back.

"They won't do it, CJ, they like me," called Danny from down the corridor.

"They like me more!" she called back.  Danny chuckled, but didn't reply.

*

"So, how many calls have there been?" Josh asked Donna as they went over notes to prepare him for his first meeting with people from outside the West Wing since the news of his blindness had been announced.

"You don't want to know."

"That many?"  
  
"Yeah."

"Nice calls, or gleeful calls?"  
  
"Josh, they're hardly going to call up and say 'glad you're blind, Josh, now you won't be able to tell whether we're bluffing or not'."

"No, but I bet they're thinking it."

"Probably," she admitted.

"Doesn't matter anyway, I'll still know if they're bluffing."

Donna raised her eyebrows in curiosity and then remembered he couldn't see her doing that anymore.

"How?" she asked.

"Well, they say that your other senses are heightened when you lose one of them and I've learned that's actually true."

"How do you mean?"

"I can pick up things… in people's voices, things I couldn't always tell before.  It's… it's hard to explain."

"Does that mean you'll be able to tell when I'm lying now?"

"I can always tell when you're lying, Donna, it's just that I sometimes choose to ignore it," he grinned.

"So, if I was to tell you that you're wearing odd socks today, would you believe me or not?"

"I'd say you were lying."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you sorted my laundry out last night and you wouldn't have mismatched them, you're not cruel enough for that."

"I'm not?"

"Okay, now I can hear the evil streak in your voice.  Donna," he warned, "if I find out that I'm wearing odd socks, you're gonna regret it."

"Don't know me as well as you thought you did, do you?" she grinned.

"You're evil, you know that?"

"Yes, I do.  Now, can we get back to the notes for this meeting?"

"Yeah."

*

"Well, that went surprisingly well," commented Josh as he and Donna returned to his office after the meeting. 

"You thought they'd put up more of a fight?" she queried.

"No, I mean, we managed to get through it pretty smoothly, with the stats side; we make a good team."  
  


"Yeah, we do," she agreed with a smile that he could hear, even though he couldn't see.

"You handled it really well," he told her as he entered the office and knew he was on familiar territory.

"It was nothing, Josh," she shrugged, unaccustomed to his compliments.  She knew he often praised her to other people, but he rarely praised her in person.  "I just read from research."  
  
"No, you _did_ the research, then you interpreted it and made sure we all knew where the other was coming from.  Given that you were having to remind me of data without it looking like I didn't know what I was talking about, it was impressive."

"It was nothing," she repeated.

"You also made a number of valid points and got them to listen to you, now _that_ isn't nothing," he continued.

"You must have hit your head even harder than I thought," Donna muttered.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"You muttered something."

"It was nothing."  
  
"You keep saying that, but it's not true.  You said I must have hit my head harder than you thought; what does that mean?"

"You heard that?"

"Yes.  Like I said earlier, it's true that your other senses are heightened when you lose one.  Now, what did you mean?"

"Nothing, it's just…"

"Just what?" he pressed.

"It's just not like you to comment on my work, Josh, unless I do something wrong," she finally said.

"I know," he admitted, "and that's something I'm trying to change.  You did well today, Donna and I shouldn't have expected anything different; I just didn't expect you to do quite as well."

"Scared I'm gonna take over your job while you're not looking?" she teased, though she bit her lip when she realized how bad a pun she'd made considering Josh's current state.

"Well, _now_ I'm scared," he shot back.  "Seriously, Donna, thanks for helping out like this; if it wasn't for you, I'd be on a forced leave of absence right now."

"No, you wouldn't be.  That would have been discrimination and you wouldn't have let Leo do it."

"I wouldn't have dragged it through the press and he knows it, Donna; I'd have given in for the good of the Administration."

"I'm glad you didn't have to," she said honestly.

"So am I."

*

"You ready to go to Senior Staff?" CJ asked late in the afternoon.

"It's that time already?" Josh groaned.

"Yeah, time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?"

"Something like that."

"Let's go then."

"Yeah, can you…"  Josh trailed off as he stood up and held his arm out for CJ.

"What?" she queried in confusion.  "Oh, right, yeah, come here," she said, tucking his left hand into her right arm and leading him from his office.  "Do you need any files or anything?"  
  
"It's not like I can reference them," he snapped.

"I meant is there anything you need to pass on in the meeting, anything Donna typed up for you," CJ said pointedly, letting Josh know she wasn't going to tolerate the pity party he currently seemed to be throwing for himself.

"Oh, no, it's okay, I'm just gonna give a verbal rundown and Donna will issue the meeting minutes later."

"You okay?" CJ asked as they walked towards the Oval Office.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied quickly, but then decided that she wouldn't buy that answer.  "I'm just tired, I didn't realize how much being like this can take it out of you," he admitted.

"Is that why you sent Donna to the OEOB, so she doesn't nag you to go home?" CJ guessed with a grin.

"No," he defended.  "Well, yeah, maybe," he amended.  

"She's just worried about you, Josh."

"You've talked to her?"

"While you were with Toby earlier."

"Oh."

"Want to know what she said?"

"No."

"You're lying," CJ smiled as they entered the outer office of the Oval and Charlie told them the President was on a call and would be a few minutes.

"Wouldn't you be breaking some 'girl talk' code or something if you told me?" Josh grinned, trying to conceal the fact that, while he wanted to know what Donna had said, he also didn't want to know, because he didn't want to feel responsible for her worrying.

"I think the Sisterhood would forgive me, considering I'm doing it for Donna's benefit."

"What did she say?" Josh finally asked, beginning to think that Donna was _really_ worried.  He'd gotten pretty angry at lunch, pissed about the fact that he hadn't been able to see that ketchup was oozing from his burger, resulting in him having to change his shirt and Donna had told him to calm down, but he hadn't thought she'd been that worried.

"She thinks you haven't gotten used to this yet, that the full shock hasn't set in."

"I'm fine."

"That's why you snapped at me a few minutes ago, is it?"

"Like I said, I'm just tired.  Really, CJ, I'm fine."

"Donna thinks you're pushing yourself too hard."

"What?  I've only had one meeting with non-White House staff all day, how is that pushing myself?  We passed everything else on to other people."

"Yeah, but you've only agreed to do that for today, you have a full schedule for tomorrow."

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"Josh, you need to remember that a full schedule for you also means a full schedule for Donna."

"She can handle it."

"Yes, she can, but worrying about you is not going to make things easy for her.  You should talk to her, tell her what you're thinking, how you're feeling."

"What are you, my therapist?"

"Josh."

"I'm fine, CJ."

CJ's reply was halted on her lips due to the arrival of Toby and Will.

"You can go on in," Charlie told the assembled group.

"How do you do that, Toby?" Josh grumbled.

"Do what?"

"Always manage to arrive at the right time so you don't have to wait around, even when the President is running late."

"I have telepathic powers," Toby deadpanned.

*

"Leo's running a few minutes late as well," the President said as they entered the Oval Office.  "Josh, how has today been?"

"It was okay, Sir," he replied as CJ led him to the couch and they sat down.

"Press hounding you?"

"A little, but CJ seems to have them under control," he smiled.

"I told them I'd put certain parts of their anatomy into a blender if they didn't leave him alone," CJ told them, much to their amusement and growing fear of her.

"Your meeting went okay this morning, Josh?" the President inquired.

"Yeah, we handled it fine."

"We?  Oh, you and Donna."

"Yes, Sir."

"You're adjusting to your situation okay?"  
  
"I don't really have an option, Sir, but yes, I'm adjusting, thanks to some good friends," he replied, squeezing CJ's hand lightly.

"You made the right decision in continuing to work then?"

"I never considered _not_ working, Sir."

"I know," the President assured quietly.  "Donna handling the extra workload alright?"  
  
"For the moment, yes, but it's only the first day," he replied, remembering CJ's words.

"Tell her that Debbie's sorting out an assistant for her."

"I will, Sir, thanks."

"Sorry I'm late, Mr President," Leo said as he finally arrived.

"Let's get started," the President stated as Leo seated himself in the remaining armchair.

*

"Before you all disappear, remember you need to be in the Roosevelt Room at 7:30 tomorrow morning to get your Big Block Of Cheese Day assignments."

"Ha, enjoy yourselves," Josh grinned.

"You'll be there as well, Josh," CJ pointed out.

"No, I won't be."

"Why not?" Leo asked.

"Well, there's no point in me going to the assignment meeting when I'm not going to be getting an assignment."

"What makes you think you're not getting an assignment?"

"Well, you didn't think I should be here in the first place, so I hardly think you're going to expect me to take a Cheese Day meeting," he replied somewhat testily.

"Well, that's where you're wrong, Josh," Leo stated.  "As you proved this morning, you're able to handle meetings effectively, so you're taking an assignment tomorrow."

"Leo," Josh complained, while trying to hide a smug grin at the fact that Leo had just inadvertently admitted he had been wrong about wanting Josh take time off.

"Josh, you're taking one, everyone is."

"Don't you think I'm suffering enough already?" Josh tried, but instantly knew he'd gone too far.  "Look, Donna's gonna have to be at the meeting anyway, so she can just take it on her own," he suggested.

"Donna has her own meeting to take."

"She won't mind another one."

"You can take the meeting on your own, Josh."

"I can't.  I can't take notes," Josh explained.

"I wouldn't expect you to be taking notes anyway, Josh; I know you've never taken any of the Cheese Day meetings seriously enough to take notes before now, so I didn't expect tomorrow to be any different."

"Leo, --"

"You're doing it, Josh."

"Fine," Josh agreed with extreme reluctance.

*

"You're late," Leo stated as Donna and Josh entered the Roosevelt Room.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Josh said.

"You okay?" CJ asked with concern.

"He's fine," Donna assured.  "He was just stalling leaving his apartment, trying to think up excuses to get out of 'Total Crackpot Day', as he insists on calling today."

"What have I told you about that, Josh?" Leo asked pointedly.

"That I've not to say it in public, but I didn't, Donna did," he grinned.

"Margaret, give them their assignments," Leo sighed.

Margaret handed out the sheets of paper and heard numerous groans as people read their names and corresponding meetings on the list.

"Now, before anyone starts, there will be no swapping of assignment this year," Leo warned.

"I never do that anyway," Josh lied.

"Josh, you were the one who started the whole mess last year," Margaret pointed out.

"Me?" he queried innocently.

"Yes, you.  If I recall correctly, you swapped with CJ, then with Donna, then with Sam.  Sam then swapped with CJ.  Only Toby kept his original assignment, but he had Ginger call him after five minutes to tell him the President needed him."

"Right, and there will be none of that this year either," Leo told them.  "No-one is to use the President in their lies."

"That's okay, we'll use Abbey instead," Josh whispered to Donna, prompting her to swat him on the arm.

"You don't even know what your assignment is yet, Josh," she commented.

"What is it?"

"You're meeting with some scientists about increasing funding for UFO research."

"You're kidding me," he groaned.

"No, I'm not."

"Where's Sam when you need him?" he muttered.  "What do you got?"

"It doesn't matter what Donna has, Josh, you're not changing."

"But –"

"Josh."

"Leo, come on –"

"Josh," Donna whispered to him, "Leo has his 'don't push me' look, so shut up."

"You're gonna take my meeting for me, aren't you?" he implored on a whisper.

"No, but I'll come along and help you out," she promised.

"Donna," he whined.

"Take it or leave it."

"I'll take it," he grumbled.

**

TBC…


	4. Part 4

Title: Insight

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Through S5

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, much as I wish.

Archive: Sure, but ask first. All my fics can also be found at the website I share with Sharon – see my profile for details.

Feedback: Always appreciated

Notes: Thanks to those who've sent feedback asking me to continue this. Sorry for the delay, but life has been throwing me for a loop lately and I haven't had much time to write. I'll try to get the next chapter out soon though.

4/?

------

"Why couldn't I have lost my hearing instead of my sight?" Josh whispered into Donna's ear as they sat in his Cheese Day meeting.

"Josh, that's a terrible thing to say," Donna hissed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, "he said sheepishly, "but do you blame me?"

"Hey, stop complaining or I'm gonna leave you to it; unlike you, I don't _have_ to be here."

"Okay, I'll shut up." Returning his voice to it's normal level, he asked the two scientists, "So, uh, are you gonna get to the point anytime soon?" Donna elbowed him in the ribs and he added, "I mean, it's just that I have another meeting to go to and I wouldn't want to miss out on the _really_ important details," he lied.

"Like we said, Mr Lyman, we think funding needs to be increased to let us investigate the possibility of life on other planets. To do that, we need more money to develop technology that will let us cope with long-term exploration activities."

"You make it sound like Star Trek," Josh chuckled.

"Well, in a way, it is," one of the scientists said.

"You want me to go to the President and ask him to provide funding so you guys can go play at being Captain Kirk?" asked Josh incredulously.

"Well, actually, I prefer Captain Picard," the scientist said without thinking.

"Listen, unless your research can come up with something useful, like one of those VISOR things that Geordi has in Star Trek: The Next Generation, I'm not gonna be able to help you."

"Josh," Donna said warningly, knowing Leo would be pissed if Josh offended the visitors.

"I'm sorry," Josh said seriously, "but there are other more pressing issues at the moment. I tell you what though, Donna here will type up some notes and add them to the list of things we can address if we have time; how's that?"

"Thank you for your time, Mr Lyman, we know it must be difficult for you at the moment, after your accident."

"I'm fine, but thanks. Donna?"

"Guys, I'll show you out," she said as she rose from her chair.

---

"Josh, I'm back, but I have to go to my Cheese Day meeting in a few minutes," Donna said as she returned from showing the scientists out of the building.

"Okay, Data."

"What did you just call me?" she asked with amusement.

"Data."

"Uh, okay. Why?"

"It was the Star Trek thing, it got me thinking."

"Never a good sign," she muttered.

"I heard that!"

"Right, your improved hearing. Anyway, the Star Trek thing?"

"Yeah, well I was thinking that I'm Geordi, partly because I'm blind right now, but also because I'm kinda like the Chief Engineer around here, you know, always fixing things."

"Uh, I thought Leo was the Chief, or did you get promoted while I was gone? And you only have to fix things because you break them in the first place," she grinned.

"Anyway," he continued, ignoring her interruption, "if I'm Geordi, it kinda makes you Data."

"I'm a robot?"

"He's an android, there's a difference."

"I thought you didn't have a Star Trek fetish?" she laughed.

"I don't have a fetish, I'm just a fan of the show."

"Sure," she appeased with a laugh. "So, I'm an android?"

"Well, I was thinking more in terms of you being my sidekick, like Data is Geordi's, but if the cap fits…"

"Thanks," she grumbled good-naturedly. "And I'm your _sidekick_?"

"Yeah, you and Data have quite a bit in common actually." Even though he couldn't see, Josh knew that Donna was looking at him with raised eyebrows, so he continued, "You're both full of usele—I mean _useful_ information."

"And you're full of something else," she said dryly.

"Donna, can I swap assignments with you?" CJ asked suddenly from Josh's office doorway, interrupting their conversation.

"Why do you want to swap, CJ?" she queried. "Your meeting's not that goofy this year."

"Yeah, but… Wait until you see them, Donna; George Clooney has nothing on them!"

"You've seen them?"

"Yeah, Carol's with them in the Roosevelt Room now; you weren't around when they arrived."

"Oh, I'd better go then."

"Or, you could swap with me," CJ tried again.

"CJ, you heard Leo, no swapping this year."

"I think we can make an exception, Donna," Josh piped up.

"But –"

"In the interests of CJ's love life, it could use a boost."

"Hey!"

"You don't want the meeting now, CJ?" Josh grinned.

"The meeting is mine," Donna said firmly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some hot guys to talk to," she grinned as she started to leave the office. "You know," she called over her shoulder as she left, "if these guys are as hot as you say, CJ, all I need is an excuse to call Joe Quincy into the meeting and it'll be like a dream come true."

"She was smirking there, wasn't she?" Josh asked CJ.

"Oh, you bet."

"They're really that good-looking?"

"There aren't words to describe them, Josh, but Adonis springs to mind."

"Great," Josh muttered to himself.

---

"Josh, where's Donna's Cheese Day meeting?"

"Who's that?"  
  
"Oh, sorry, it's Joe Quincy."

"Why do you want to know where Donna's meeting is?"

"I want to sit in on it. I wanted to be there from the start, but I had a non-Cheese Day meeting to attend and it only just finished.

"You want to sit in on it? Did CJ put you up to this?" Josh asked warily.

"CJ? No. Why?"

"Nothing. Why do you want to sit in on a Cheese Day meeting? You do know they're a waste of time?"

"It's a topic that interests me," Joe smiled.

"Building eco-friendly bubble-house type things in our National Parks interests you?" Josh asked in a tone that made it clear he thought Joe was crazy.

"What? No. I meant discussing the possibility of setting up summer camps for underprivileged kids to learn hockey, that would be run by ex-All Stars. There's two ex All Stars in the meeting right now, that's why I wanna be there."

"Donna's meeting is about _that_?"

"Yeah," Joe said with puzzlement. "Why, what did she tell you?"

"She told me it was about building bubbles! I'm gonna kill her."

"It's not like you could have swapped with her, Josh, I heard Leo banned that."

"I still could have been at the meeting," he grumbled.

"You wanna come with me?" Joe offered.

"You're not going."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not going to Donna's meeting."

"Why not?"

"If you interrupt, it'll take longer and she's needed back here, she has other work to do," Josh lied, not wanting to admit he didn't want Joe within ten feet of Donna.

"I won't interrupt, I just want to sit in."

"No, but you can take me to the Roosevelt Room, I need to talk to Donna."

"Well, if I'm going there anyway, surely I can –"

"No," Josh interrupted, standing up and holding his arm out.

"What do I do?" Joe asked nervously, not quite sure how Josh wanted to be guided.

"Just let me grab onto your arm and then walk normally, but don't let me walk too close to anything or I might bump into it."

"Okay."

---

"Can you excuse me for a minute?" Donna said to her visitors as she heard a knock on the Roosevelt Room door and saw Josh standing outside. "Hi," she said as she stepped outside, closing the door behind her again. "What's up?"

"You lied to me," Josh accused, though there was no anger in his voice.

"What? Oh, hey, Joe," she smiled as she noticed the lawyer standing next to Josh. "What do you mean I lied to you?" she continued, turning her attention back to Josh.

"You told me your meeting was about environmental stuff, but it's not."

"Oh, that."

"Yeah, _that_. Care to explain?"

"No, not really," Donna grinned.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were meeting with two hockey players?"

"Because you'd have wanted to swap and that would be breaking the rules. If I'd told you, you'd have just kept complaining."

"Like you follow rules anyway," Josh scoffed. "No parking means no parking, remember?"

"Josh, does this really matter? I'm sorry I lied, but it wouldn't have made a difference, you couldn't take the meeting anyway."

"Why did you get assigned this one? Why not me or Toby, or even Will?"

"Margaret felt it could be perceived as sexist to automatically assign a meeting about sports funding to a male, so she decided to give it to a female. CJ knows nothing about sports, so she was out and the same goes for Carol, Bonnie and Ginger. Actually, I think if Margaret had known how hot the guys were, she'd have taken this one herself, but she didn't, so I got it."

"You don't know anything about sports," Josh pointed out in his 'know all' voice.

"I don't, huh? You don't remember me using football analogies to get my points across?"

"Yeah, but still… this is hockey," Josh shrugged. "Anyway, I'm gonna join you in the meeting now," he continued, pushing his hand out and trying to find the door handle.

"No, you're not," Donna said firmly.

"Donna, --"

"Josh, no." She stopped and looked at their companion. "Joe, could you do me a favor and tell my visitors that I'll be a couple of minutes?"

"Sure," agreed Joe eagerly, immediately brushing past Josh and entering the Roosevelt Room.

"Josh, please just let me take this meeting on my own," said Donna calmly, but with a pleading tone evident in her voice.

"I won't take over, Donna, I just wanna be there."

"You won't _mean_ to take over, but it'll happen anyway. _Please_, Josh."

"Why is it so important? It's Crackpot Day, none of this is serious."

"This one is though, Josh, it has a lot of merit and could actually go somewhere. Please, just trust me to handle this on my own."

"I trust you, Donna," he said seriously, but then added in a whiny voice, "I just wanna meet them, Joe said they're ex All Stars."

"Yeah, they are," she smiled. "I tell you what, I'll bring them by your office before they leave," she offered as a compromise.

"Okay," he agreed with a sigh, "but do me a favor?"

"Depends what it is," she grinned.

"Kick Joe out. If I find out you let him stay for the meeting, you're fired," he warned with a smile.

"I'm impervious, remember?" she laughed. "But, don't worry, I'll kick him out as soon as I go back in there."

"Good. Actually, you'll need to anyway."

"Why?"

"Because I… I need him to take me back to my office," he admitted.

"I can take you," she said softly.

"No, no you go take your meeting, Donna, I'll manage."

"Okay, I'll see you in a little while."

"Yeah."

---

"I wanna go to a bar," Josh announced as he wandered into CJ's office.

"What?" CJ laughed.

"I wanna go to a bar," he repeated. "By the way, aren't you impressed that I managed to find my way here?"

"Not really, all you had to do was walk in a straight line from your office, up the hall and into mine."

"Hey, you try walking in a straight line when you can't see," he said in a tone that showed he was proud of himself even if CJ wasn't.

"Why do you want to go to a bar?"

"I want to do something normal."

Josh took a seat on the couch just inside CJ's door and kicked his feet up onto it.

"Comfortable?" CJ smiled.

"Not really, but it'll do. I wish I had space in my office for a couch," he mused.

"If you did, you'd spend even less time at home than you do now."

"Yeah," he agreed with a sigh. "Anyway, you gonna come to the bar?"

"Going to a bar is doing something normal?"

"Yeah. I know it sounds dumb, but I just feel like the last few days, despite everyone's best intentions, I've been treated differently. I mean, we always go for a drink after Crackpot Day, but we didn't yesterday."

"That's because you and Toby were pissed because Donna got the hockey assignment," CJ grinned.

"No, well, yeah we were pissed, and Margaret is gonna pay for that, as will Donna, but that's not why we didn't go out."

"No, the reason we didn't go out is because you were exhausted," CJ admitted.

"Yeah, and that makes me feel like I'm being treated differently."

CJ decided to put a stop to the conversation, knowing that Josh wouldn't really open up about his feelings, so there wasn't much point in continuing.

"Okay, well, I'm done for the night, so let's go," she said, standing up and shutting down her laptop.

"Good, I'll get Donna to round up the others."

"Toby and Will are still around?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll catch up with you in a minute."

---

"Why did you have to invite Joe Quincy?" Josh quietly grumbled to Donna as she led him into the bar.

"Because, he was still around and he's a nice guy."

"He's a Republican."

"Yes, he is, so no shop talk tonight, okay? I don't want you arguing politics with him."

"Why not? It's supposed to be a normal night."

"Right, so poke fun at CJ's love life, like you normally do, or find out more about Will, we still don't know him that well. It'll be a good opportunity to get to know Joe properly as well, since we have to work with him."

"I have to work with him, yes, but I don't have to _socialize_ with him," Josh complained.

"Josh, if you don't quit whining I'm gonna lead you to a table in the corner and leave you there by yourself," Donna warned.

"Why's it so important to you that I get on with Joe Quincy?"

"It's not, I just think he's a nice guy."

"Yeah, you would," muttered Josh, struggling to cling on to Donna's arm as she quickened her pace.

"You know, you're handling the blindness a lot better than I would in your place," admitted CJ as the night wore on. They'd spent about an hour just chatting generally, with Josh doing as Donna had suggested and poking fun at CJ's love life. She had taken it in the fun way it was intended and had managed to turn the tables on the guys slightly by asking Will and Joe about their love lives. Once that topic was exhausted, things had gone quiet and all eyes had turned to Josh as he cursed when he nearly toppled his glass again; that was when CJ made her comment.

"It's not like I have a choice," shrugged Josh, "you just gotta get on with it."

"Yeah, but it must be having some sort of impact, it must change things," pressed CJ.

"Not as much as you'd think. I have to rely on people a bit more, both in the office and at home, like Donna having to sort out my clothes for the first couple of days, until I got a chance to talk to my cleaning lady," he explained, "but there hasn't been a huge change."

"Even the laundry thing can be sorted out so that Josh can do it himself again," interjected Donna.

"It can?" queried Josh, voicing everyone else's thoughts.

"Yes, I've been doing some research –"

"Why am I not surprised?" smiled Josh.

"There are tips and tricks on websites and the leaflet you got from the hospital is pretty helpful too. It says you can sew labels on things, with maybe one raised bump to signify black socks and two bumps for white, that kind of thing."

"Good idea," mused Will.

"Do any of those tips tell me how I can shave when I can't see what I'm doing?"

"No, Josh, I'm afraid I haven't found that one yet, though I have been looking; your stubble doesn't exactly have the designer look anymore," laughed Donna.

"It doesn't have the designer feel either," he said. "I scrubbed my hand over my face today when I was thinking about something and nearly cut myself."

The others couldn't help the chuckles that escaped their lips and Toby cast a glance at Josh.

"Well, I guess that's what happens when you're not able to grow a _real_ beard," said Toby dryly.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, Josh," Donna said quickly, glaring at Toby.

"No, what do you mean, Toby? What's wrong with my beard?"

"It's not a beard, that's what's wrong with it."

"Toby," warned Donna. "Josh, there's nothing wrong with it, it just hasn't had a chance to grow into a proper beard yet, it's only been a few days, but it's past the stubble stage, as you already discovered."

"You're telling me I look a mess?"

"No, no, of course not."

"Donna."

"Would I let you walk around looking a mess?" Upon seeing Josh's eyebrows raise above the level of his sunglasses, she added, "Well, anymore than you normally do, I mean."

"I guess this teaches me not to let the battery on my electric razor run down, huh," he chuckled to himself. "Donna, do me a favor and plug it in for me when we get back home?"

"Sure," she smiled, patting his hand in agreement.

CJ noticed the smile forming on Joe Quincy's lips as he heard Josh inadvertently refer to his home as Donna's and she sent him a silencing look. In return, Joe shrugged and smiled some more, which CJ returned as she herself thought about Josh's words. It had only been a few days, but already Josh and Donna were falling into a comfortable routine.

"Josh, if you have any problems, just bring a razor in and I'll shave you," offered Will suddenly.

"Uh, thanks, but you might wanna watch how you phrase that," grinned Josh, causing Donna to roll her eyes and slap his arm.

------

TBC… Next up, the full impact of the situation finally hits Josh.


	5. Part 5

Title: Insight

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Through S5

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, much as I wish.

Archive: Sure, but ask first. All my fics can also be found at the website I share with Sharon – see my profile for details.

Feedback: Always appreciated

Thanks: Thanks to Ellen for the beta, which now means any mistakes are down to her :-D Just kidding, Ellen. :-)

Notes: Given the subject matter, you knew there had to be some angst in this fic, right? Well, here it is!

5/?

------

"Josh, I need you to take a look at this Op-Ed and give me your opinion," said CJ as she entered his office and threw a copy of the Washington Post onto his desk.

"And just how the hell am I supposed to _take a look_?" snapped Josh.

CJ was taken aback by his tone, but decided snapping back was not going to be the way to deal with it; instead, she closed the door and took a seat in his visitor's chair.

"Alright, Josh, what's wrong?"

"What?"

"Don't take that terse tone with me, I came in to ask for a favor, well actually, I came to ask you to do something that is part of your job," replied CJ in a tone that showed she wasn't going to tolerate his attitude.

"Yeah, but you had to choose the one part of my job I can't actually _do_ at the moment, didn't you?"

"What?" she queried in slight confusion and then realized what he meant. "Oh, I was going to read the piece out to you."

"And that's why you threw the paper onto my desk, is it?"

"I…"

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he said brusquely.

"So, it's finally hitting you, is it?"

"What?" he asked with a sigh, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

"Your situation… being blind. I wondered when the full impact would finally sink in, though I gotta say, I thought it would have happened before now. When we were out at the bar last night, you seemed so cool, calm and collected about it, but I know you have a tendency to bottle everything up until it finally explodes."

"I'm fine."

"Josh, we're all here for you, if you need to talk. I know I can't really understand what you're going through, but I want to help."

"You're right, you _can't_ understand what I'm going through, so just leave me alone."

"What's brought all this on?"

"What?"

"Your attitude."

"Oh, gee, CJ, let me think… maybe it's BECAUSE I'M BLIND!" he yelled, his anger increasing with every word.

"Josh, calm down. I meant that you've been handling it fairly well until now. As I said, I know you tend to bottle things up until you finally explode, but you usually need a trigger for that to happen, so what was it?"

"Get out, CJ."

"No."

"CJ," he warned, his temper rising again.

"What happened, Josh? You and Donna left the bar last night and you were okay, chipper even, saying that you'd had a good time and you felt more _normal_, so what happened between then and now?"

"Nothing."

"Right. Josh?"

"CJ, just leave it."

"No. Josh, you need to talk about this."

"I really don't."

"If you won't talk to me, should I go and get Donna?"  
  
"No!" he exclaimed immediately, raising a hand to emphasize his response.

CJ looked at him closely, struck by his sudden aversion to talking to Donna. Usually, Donna was the only person he _would_ talk to when something was bothering him. The only times he didn't talk to Donna were when it was something very serious and personal, something that he didn't want to burden her with and that thought worried CJ more than she would admit aloud.

"So, talk to _me_, Josh," she said softly. "What happened?"

Josh was silent for what seemed like hours, though was only a few minutes. CJ was just about to prompt him again when he finally spoke.

"I hate this, CJ," he admitted, his voice close to breaking point. "I'm sorry for my pity party there, but I just…"

Ignoring his apology, preferring to show she was fine with him by helping him, she tackled his first comment.

"Hate what? Being blind?" she asked gently.

"Yeah, but… it's… it's what it means, you know? I've lost my independence and I stand to lose so much more as a result."

"How do you mean?"

Josh removed the earphones he was wearing and placed them with the walkman on his desk; Donna had started taping meeting notes for him, so that he could learn them, rather than her having to provide info all the time. CJ hadn't even noticed the walkman when she'd entered the office and she guessed that Donna had gone to great lengths to find earphones that were barely noticeable so that Josh didn't feel even more uncommon.

"I'm having to rely on Donna for everything," he stated.

"You _always_ rely on Donna for everything, Josh," grinned CJ, attempting to lighten the atmosphere; she hated seeing her friend in such distress.

"Yeah, at work I do," he admitted, "and professionally I know I probably put way too much pressure on her, but I know she can handle it."

"So, what's the problem?"

"I don't want to put too much pressure on her _personally_ as well, CJ. I already take up way too much of her free time and I don't want her ending up hating me because I'm impinging on her life… on her opportunities for happiness."

"Josh, you –"

CJ's reply was interrupted by a knock at the door and the entrance of Donna.

"Don't mind me," said Donna lightly, noticing the sudden cease in conversation, "I'm just dropping off a prep tape for your next meeting, Josh."

"Thanks, Donna. How long do I have?"

"About an hour."

"Okay."

Donna looked at CJ quizzically, but received no response to her unasked question, so she left the office again, closing the door behind her.

"Josh, you should be talking to Donna about this," said CJ immediately, but softly.

"About what?"

"Your feelings of guilt about over-pressuring her. She needs to hear this, as I think you'll find she doesn't have any problems with the situation."

"CJ, I don't want to t—"

"Josh, I'll go get Donna."

"No."

"I'm not giving you an option, Josh, you need to talk to her. I know you've been taking your bad mood out on her today as well and that's not fair."

Knowing she had a valid point, Josh nodded his head silently and heard CJ open the door and call for Donna.

"Tell Donna why you've been in a bad mood all morning, Josh," instructed CJ as she left Josh and Donna alone in the office, closing the door behind her.

"So," said Donna as she slid into the chair CJ had vacated.

"I think I should get back to work," Josh said, feeling for the walkman and picking it up. His actions were stopped as Donna pulled the walkman from his hands. "Donna!"

"Josh, please, you've been in a hell of a mood all morning and I think you should talk about it."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Funny, CJ seems to think there is, so I imagine you managed to find something to discuss with her," she commented with a light tone, though it was edged with hurt.

"What do you want to know?" he sighed, knowing that if he didn't talk to her, CJ would kick his ass and Donna would be even more hurt than she seemed to be already.

"Why you've been in such a mood this morning. You were fine when I dropped you home last night, but I thought I was about to lose my head this morning when I came to collect you."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"I don't want an apology, I want to know what happened."

"I've already had this conversation with CJ," he remarked.

"Good, that means you know the answer, so tell me what happened."

"Nothing."

"Josh."

"When you left last night, I…"

"You what?" she prompted gently when he didn't continue.

"I locked the door behind you and turned to head for my bedroom…" He trailed off again, but Donna remained silent, watching him struggle with himself to find the words. "You remember I kicked my shoes off as soon as I got home?"

"Yes."

"Well, turns out that was a bad idea," he said sardonically. "When I turned to go to my room, I tripped over one of my shoes and crashed into the end table."

"Are you okay?" she asked, obviously shaken by what he'd said.

"Yeah, but my lamp isn't," he replied wryly.

"What?"

"It fell off the table when I banged into it."

"But, I… I didn't notice any glass anywhere this morning, Josh."

"I guess I did a good job of cleaning it up then," he said quietly, leading Donna to realize there was more he wasn't telling her.

"_You_ cleaned it up?"

"Yeah, it took me a while of crawling around on my hands and knees and shoveling broken glass into an empty grocery bag, but I think I got it all," he said, obviously proud of himself.

"Josh, that could have been dangerous, you could have cut yourself when you couldn't see the glass."

"I know, I did," he said, his head dropping down even though he couldn't see her face. "But, I had to do it myself, Donna, I had to be able to clean up my own mess."

Donna didn't hear the second half of his comment, as she was too busy reeling from the fact that he'd hurt himself.

"What?! Josh, are you okay? Where did you cut yourself?" she asked rapidly, searching his face and hands for any sign of a cut.

"My leg, it's okay."

"How do you know?"

"Well, I don't feel the blood trickling down it any more," he snapped.

"Josh."

"Sorry. I'm okay, Donna."

"Tripping and cutting yourself caused the change in your attitude?" she guessed.

"Not exactly. It… it reminded me of when I cut my hand, the last time I wasn't in control of myself," he admitted.

"Oh, Josh," she said quietly, so quietly he wouldn't normally have heard her, but this time he did.

"Donna, don't get upset, I'm okay. I flipped out for a little bit last night," he said honestly, "and I decided that if one lamp was smashed, the matching one should go in the trash with it, so I smashed it to hell as well, but I'm okay. I needed to keep my independence and clear up after myself. I managed it and felt pretty good, but as I lay in bed last night my mind wouldn't switch off. I kept thinking about what else could happen because I'm like this and it got to me. I hate not being in control, Donna and, right now, I'm not in control, the blindness has control over me. My mood this morning was my way of trying to cover up, to hide the fact that I lost control. I was trying to control everyone else through yelling at them and trying to keep them away from me so that they didn't notice what was really going on. I wanted to hide my lack of self-control."

"You don't need to hide anything, Josh, not from me," she said softly, emotion catching in her voice at the honesty of his words.

"I know, and I'm sorry."

"Can I see your leg?"

"Well, I don't know, Donna," he drawled, "I don't know if I could trust you to keep your hands to yourself."

"Josh," she laughed, glad he was joking around again. "I just want to check the cut."

"It's okay, I put a band-aid on it."

"But, how did you…"

"How did I manage when I can't see?"

"Well, yeah."

"I have my ways," he smiled smugly.

"Josh."

"Okay, it took me about a box of band-aids, but I finally managed to get one the right size on the right spot."

"Can I check anyway?"

"Sure," he agreed, pulling up the right leg of his pants.

Donna crouched down in front of him and inspected his handiwork for a few moments.

"Well?" Josh prompted.

"You did pretty well, Josh," she said, watching the proud smile form on his face, "but I think I should take the band-aid off and make sure the cut is clean."

"Okay," he sighed, "but there's really no need."

"Just humor me. I'm gonna get the first-aid kit, I'll be right back."

"Okay."

Donna returned a few moments later and proceeded to re-dress Josh's leg. He squirmed slightly as she applied some antiseptic cream, but she called him a baby and he soon became quiet again.

"Josh," she said hesitantly as she finished and stood up.

"Yeah?"

"Why did CJ feel it was so important that you talk to me?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I guess she felt I needed to talk to get me out of my mood."

"Yeah, but you were already talking to her, why did she think you needed to talk to _me_ instead?"

Josh let his shoulders slump in defeat as he realized he was going to have be honest.

"I told her I feel guilty about putting too much pressure on you, about you having to do so much to help me because of this, both here and at home."

"I don't understand, Josh," said Donna. She thought she knew his meaning, but wanted him to explain further.

"I… Donna, you are having to pretty much take care of me right now," he shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "I don't want this to change things, Donna, I don't want you to end up hating me."

"I won't end up hating you, Josh," she said softly, reminding him of what CJ had said to him. "I'm glad I can help, I _want_ to help, that's what friends are for."

"Yeah, but friends don't usually have to look after each other as much as this. I just don't want to become a burden."

"You could _never_ be a burden, or anything else that's going through your head right now," she added as she saw him open his mouth to interrupt. "You're my friend, you need me and I'm here for you, for as long as you need me… and want me."

Josh tried to speak, but words failed him. Summoning all his inner strength, he channeled it into his vocal chords.

"Thanks, Donna," he whispered, reaching for her hands and squeezing them. "I'm scared, scared that this is going to be permanent."

"It's too soon to think about that, Josh, you have to be patient…" she paused and gave a derisive snort, "but I'm talking to a person who doesn't know the meaning of that word. But, Josh, even if it _is_ permanent, you'll cope, you're a fighter. You've gotten through worse, you've fought for your life and won, something like this isn't going to bring you down."

"This could end it all though, Donna. If this is permanent, I'll have to quit."

"Why?" she asked with shock.

"I'd be a liability."

"I don't… How would you be a _liability_?"

"I wouldn't be able to do my job, not properly. I need to be fully functioning to help elect the next Democratic President, I can't be like this."

"You're managing so far. Like I said earlier, I'm here no matter what. If this is permanent, I'll do whatever is needed to make this work, to let you continue working here."

"No, Donna, you helping out so much is only a short-term fix, it can't be permanent."

"Why not?" she queried, hurt finding it's way into her tone as she assumed that he meant she wouldn't be capable of coping with the greater responsibility permanently.

"We'd need to hire someone to take your job, or a lot of it, so that you could work more closely with me, that would cost and we'd have to explain the extra expense."

She let out a sigh of slight relief as she realized she'd misinterpreted his earlier statement, but she still wasn't happy with what he was saying.

"I'm sure no-one would comment on it, Josh, given the circumstances."

"No, but they'd be thinking it and, either way, I'd be treated differently; I couldn't handle that, Donna. I am where I am because of my personality, my independence, but that's all being taken away from me."

"You can retain your independence, Josh and whether your personality changes or not is up to you."

"Being permanently blind would change who I am, don't you get that?!" he said irritably, wrenching his hands from hers. Donna held firm and he only managed to remove one hand. As he tried again to break free from her grasp, she interrupted.

"You'll always be the same Josh Lyman to me, no matter what."

Donna knew that he was only just coming to terms with the situation and he needed to work it out on his own, she had done as much as she could to assure him she'd always be there. Deciding that saying any more might push him over the edge and lead them both to say things they might later regret, she released his hand and stood up.

"I'd better get back to work. You know where I am if you need me."

**------**

TBC…


	6. Part 6

Title:  Insight

Rating: PG

Spoilers:  Through S5

Disclaimer:  I don't own 'em, much as I wish.

Archive:  Sure, but ask first.  All my fics can also be found at the website I share with Sharon: www.distinctivepenmanship.com (I do need to update 'Insight' there though and I promise to do that asap)

Feedback:  Always appreciated

Thanks:  To everyone for the continued feedback, even though I'm taking forever to finish this 

Notes:  Huge apologies, once again, for the long delay since the last chapter.  I've been struggling a bit with this chapter and, since life has been rather hectic lately (work problems), I've taken the easy option and written a few other things instead.  However, this is the penultimate part of this fic, so the end is in sight (no pun intended!!)

6/7

-----

The persistent ringing of her cellphone woke Donna and she sighed as she realized her plan for an almost 'once in a lifetime' early night was now dashed.  Grabbing the phone, she identified the caller using the backlit display and immediately hit the button to answer.

"Josh?"

"Yeah, can I have a large pepperoni pizza, please?"

Donna's eyes grew wide with confusion and she pulled the cellphone from her ear to double-check the caller id display.

"Josh?  Are you okay?"  
  
"Donna?" he said with surprise.  "What are you doing at the pizza place?  Why are you answering their phone?"

She could hear that he was slightly slurring his words and she summoned the strength for the strange conversation she knew was about to take place.

"I'm not _at_ the pizza place," she pointed out.  "I'm at home, you're calling me on my cell."

"But how…?  Oh, damn," he cursed.

"Josh?"

"I thought I hit speed dial 4 to call the pizza place, but I must have hit 1 instead.  I keep forgetting that my home phone has a different layout to my cell," he explained, obviously annoyed with himself.  "Damn stupid phone," he grumbled, his words becoming more slurred as he spoke.  Donna heard him swallow and instinctively knew he'd just taken another drink.

"Josh, have you been drinking?" she asked warily, not wanting to get his ire up.

"I've had a beer," he answered easily.

"Josh, don't take this the wrong way, but you're slurring –"

"Donna, don't start.  Even _my_ sensitive system can handle a beer."

"It's not just one beer though, is it, Josh?  One beer wouldn't have you slurring your words, especially not when you ate earlier, and I know you ate, because I was there."

"I'm hungry," he said suddenly, remembering his plan to call for pizza.  The change in topic confirmed Donna's suspicion, as she knew he wasn't changing subject just to sidetrack her.

"Josh, you're drunk," she said bluntly.

"No, I'm not," he lied.

"Josh, how much have you had?  I dropped you home around 9 and it's now only 11:30, how much have you had to drink in two and a half hours?"

"I'm fine, Donna," he said, but the hiccup that escaped his lips gave him away.

"I'm coming over, Josh."

"What?  Why?"

"Because you're drunk."

"It's not a new occurrence, Donna," he pointed out, managing to get the words out without slurring, or so he thought.

"No, but you've never been drunk when you're bl—" she stopped abruptly, realizing she didn't want to go there right at that moment.

"When I'm blind?  No, but that's a pretty damn good reason for me to be drunk, don't you think?" he said gruffly.

"Josh, you can't do this to yourself," she said sadly.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not.  You just admitted that you're getting drunk to try and cope with being blind, that's not the proper coping mechanism, Josh, you know that.  Look, I'm going to come over, so you can talk through what's bothering you, rather than drinking your way through."  Ever since he'd opened up to her a couple of days before, Donna had been making it clearer and clearer that she wanted him to continue to do that, to lean on her when he felt the need.  He had obviously decided against that tonight, but she wasn't going to give him the option.

"Donna, there's no need."

"I'm on my way, Josh," she said firmly.

"Pepperoni," he said out of the blue.

"What?"

"I want pepperoni pizza."

"Josh?"

"If you're coming over, bring pizza."

"Josh, I don't –"

"You think I'm drunk, well pizza will help, won't it?"  His tone had become light again, as if he was having trouble remembering that he had been annoyed with her only moments before.

"Alright, I'll bring pizza," she sighed.

----

"Oh my God, Josh, what happened to you?" gasped Donna as Josh opened his apartment door and let her walk past him, following her into the living room after closing the door.

"Huh?"

"Look at the state of you!"  As she remembered that those weren't the best words to say to him at that moment, she quickly apologized.  "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that, it's just, well, you're a mess, Josh."

"I wouldn't know," he growled sarcastically.

"You can tell when your shirt is hanging out and you've spilled beer down yourself," she stated.

"Yeah, I can tell, but I don't care."

"Josh."

"Donna, I'm in my apartment, I can look however I want and do whatever I want," he half-yelled.

"Well, do you want to eat pizza?"

"Stupid question," he grinned, immediately changing from his bad mood and holding his hands out for the box.

"It's okay, I've got it," she said gently.

"Donna, gimme the damn pizza," he insisted, raising his voice again.

"Josh, we're standing at the coffee table, I'm just gonna put it down there."  He didn't say anything and Donna dropped the box onto the table.  "I'm just gonna get something to wipe my hands on as I eat, okay?"

"There's stuff in the kitchen," he told her.

"Yeah, I know," she smiled, pushing him down onto the couch as she brushed past him.

She joined him on the couch a few moments later, finding him already devouring a slice of pizza.

"Couldn't wait for me, huh?" she chuckled.

"I told you I was hungry," he defended.

"So, do I get a beer, or have you managed to finish it all yourself?" she asked sardonically after a few minutes filled only with the sounds of eating.

"Fridge," he told her.  "Get me one while you're there."

"Don't you think you've had enough already?"

"No."

"Josh."

"Donna.  My apartment, my beer."

"Fine, but don't expect me to help you get even more drunk.  You want a beer, go get it yourself."

"Thanks a lot!" he said moodily, his voice starting to rise again.  He rose from the couch and made his way towards the kitchen, slightly staggering due to the alcohol he'd already consumed.  "Here," he said gruffly when he returned, holding a beer out for Donna.

"Thanks," she smiled, taking a drink.  "So, you gonna tell me what all this is about?"

"What?" he asked, knowing full well what she wanted to talk about.

"Why you felt the need to get yourself drunk.  You seemed okay when I dropped you home, what changed?  I thought you'd appreciate the early night, a chance to recharge."

"Yeah, well I didn't appreciate it, okay?" he snapped.

"Why not?  And why didn't you tell me?"

"I said I didn't want to leave the office early tonight, you were the one who forced the issue when Leo was standing there, so that he'd order me to go home."

"I didn't _force the issue_, I just pointed out that you looked tired."

"Whatever."

"Josh, please," she said sadly, hurt by his tone.  "What's so bad about being at home?"

"I have nothing to do here, Donna!  It's alright for you, you can go home, switch on the TV or relax and read a book, I can't!" he stated with anger.

"You have a stereo system, Josh, you could listen to music to relax.  Plus, I gave you some of those 'talking books', you could listen to them."

"That's not what I normally do though, don't you get that?!  Yeah, I listen to music when I get home, but it's usually accompanied by me reading over briefing memos or something, I need to be _doing_ something, not just sitting here."  His voice had started as angry, but the tone changed as he spoke and, by the time he finished, he sounded pitiful and Donna's heart broke for him.

"I'm sorry, Josh," she whispered.  "I guess I forget the fact that you're the kind of person who needs a lot of visual stimulation."

"_Any_ stimulation would do," he interjected, not even realizing his double-entendre as he was so focussed on the discussion.

"Why didn't you call me, Josh?  I thought we agreed you'd lean on me when you needed to, why get yourself drunk?"

The hurt in Donna's voice was obvious and Josh swallowed hard to overcome his guilt.  She was right, he had agreed to talk to her when he felt his control slipping.

"I'm sorry, Donna," he said seriously.  "I did consider calling you, but I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"I need to be able to do this myself.  If I can't handle this myself, what hope do I have?"

"We've been over this before, Josh, you don't _have_ to do this yourself."

"I just… Donna, if I can't even spend an evening at home on my own, I really have lost my independence and I can't stand thinking about that."

Donna walked over to the window, looking out onto the moonlit street.  Her thoughts were jumping around, jostling with each other for position.  She wanted to make Josh understand that he didn't have to be alone, that she was there for him, but she could also see his point of view; if she was in his position, she figured she'd feel exactly the same.  However, she also knew that she wouldn't turn to alcohol as a way of blocking it out and it scared her to think that Josh may be starting down that road.  She had little evidence so far, but there was a niggling feeling that he would use alcohol as his escape mechanism, when she really wanted him to use her for that; she knew she could handle it, but did he realize she had enough strength for both of them?  Turning around to face him, she gathered her thoughts and decided on a course of action.

"Josh, you'll always have your independence, but it's not a bad thing to ask for help every so often.  As I've said before, I'm here for you whenever you need me, I always will be.  I won't think less of you if you have to lean on me, I'll think less of you if you give in to temptation and turn to easier options… like alcohol."

Josh had risen as Donna spoke and was now standing just in front of the couch, debating what to say to her in reply.

"Donna, I –" he stopped suddenly and let out a gasp.  Donna immediately became worried and started to walk towards him.  "Don't, stay where you are, Donna," he said, raising a hand to stop her.  She stopped walking and waited for him to say something more, then it clicked.

"Josh, how did you know I was moving towards you there?  I was silent, how did you know?" she demanded, hope lacing her tone.

"I saw your outline," he admitted quietly.

"Josh," she gasped.  "You can see again?"

"Kinda," he shrugged.  "It's blurry, but I can see shapes."

"When did this happen?"

"About two seconds ago."

"You had no warning?"

"No.  The doctor said he thought my sight would come back gradually, but he did say that the first part might happen all of a sudden, I guess he was right."

"How do you feel?" asked Donna.

"Shaky," he confessed.

"Sit down," she said, walking towards him and leading him by the hand back down onto the couch, where she sat down next to him.  Donna sank into the couch, glad of the support as her own legs were wobbly as a result of Josh's shock news.  "You okay?" she asked after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah," he said shakily.  "I just… I was kinda getting used to it, you know?"

"Yeah, right," she snorted derisively.  "Josh, you were getting yourself drunk earlier, how is _that_ getting used to it?"

"You know me," he grinned.

"So, what do you do now?  Should you call your doctor, let him know what's happened?"

"No, not yet.  It might take a while before there's anymore improvement, so I'll wait for now."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No," he replied, shaking his head.  "I think this has sobered me up pretty well.  You should go home, get some sleep."

"Josh, I –"

"I'm fine, Donna," he said gently.  "Really.  I'm sorry for ruining your night."

"Josh, you just _made_ my night," she smiled.  "You sure you don't want to talk about this, how you're _really_ feeling right now?"

"I don't _know_ how I'm feeling right now, Donna, I need some time to get my head together.  What I said earlier still stands, I want to be able to do this by myself."  Sensing she was about to interrupt, he added, "I know I don't _have_ to do it myself, Donna, but I want to.  It's hard to explain how important it is to me, just trust me, okay?"  His tone was gentle and he saw the outline of Donna's head, slowly nodding her agreement.  "I do appreciate everything you've done for me, Donna," he said softly, "and everything you've offered to do for me, I just… I want to work it out for myself."

"Will you tell me once you've worked it out?"

"Yes, mom, I'll share with class," he grinned.  "Right now though, I'm just gonna go to bed, try and get some sleep.  You'll pick me up in the morning?"

"Sure," she smiled.  "Do you need anything before I go?"

"No, I'm good."

"Okay then," she nodded, standing up from the couch and laying a hand gently on his shoulder.  "Call me if you need anything… except pizza, okay?"

"Thanks, Donna."

-----

TBC…


	7. Part 7

Title:  Insight

Rating: PG

Spoilers:  Through S5

Disclaimer:  I don't own 'em, much as I wish.

Archive:  Sure, but ask first.  All my fics can also be found at the website I share with Sharon – see my profile for details.  (I do need to update 'Insight' there though and I promise to do that asap)

Feedback:  Always appreciated

Thanks:  HUGE thanks to Jillian for her help with this part.  Also continued thanks to everyone for the feedback, and further apologies for the delays.

Notes:  Well, the ending is finally here, so I hope it's been worth the wait.

7/7

----

"Glad to back to full strength, Josh?" Leo inquired as Josh hung back after Senior Staff.

"Yeah."  Josh looked and sounded distracted and Leo regarded him closely.

"Do you need something?"

"No, I… Well, I feel kinda guilty," he admitted.

"Guilty?"

"Yeah, about Donna."

Leo was more than a little surprised.  "Why?"

"The last couple of weeks she's… well, she's kinda had a promotion, you know?  Her security clearance was increased, she got her own assistant, she helped out at meetings, and I mean that, she _helped_, she didn't just take notes.  Now that my sight is fully back, I feel kinda guilty that she did all that and now she's gonna have to go back to the way things were."

"Are you asking me to give Donna a promotion"? Leo asked, his face impassive.

"No," he shrugged unconvincingly.

"What makes you think things are going to go back to the way they were?"

"What?" Josh asked with surprise.

"They're not going back to the way they were, Josh, I don't think that would serve any useful purpose."

"What do you mean?"

"Donna keeps her security clearance _and_ her assistant.  She can assist at some of your meetings when required, but I really want her to take some of the lower level meetings _instead_ of you; I want you to concentrate on long-term issues, not the day-to-day arguments, Donna can handle those.  I want her to come to you with opinions, not wait until you ask for them."

"She gives me her opinions at the moment," Josh pointed out, slightly hurt that Leo thought he didn't let Donna voice her thoughts.

"I know, but you and I both know that she has the ability to filter out the wheat from the chaff and only bring the important issues to your desk."

"Yeah."

"You're okay with this?"

"Yeah, of course I am," Josh nodded, "and Donna will be thrilled."

Leo smiled slightly when he noticed that Josh seemed more pleased about Donna being happy than any changes it might mean around the office.

"She'll need a new title," Leo commented.

"Right.  What is it?"

"I'll leave that to you."

"You know I'm gonna let her come up with it herself, don't you?" Josh grinned.

"As long as it's not too outrageous."

"Does she get a raise?" Josh asked.  Leo raised an eyebrow.  "She's gonna ask," Josh defended.

"She'll get a raise," Leo confirmed, "but I don't have the details yet.  We're effectively hiring someone else to do part of her current job, so I have to consider that."

"I know and, to be honest, she'd take the job even without a raise," he admitted.  Leo raised both eyebrows this time and Josh hastily added, "But, she deserves a raise and forget I mentioned that she'd work without one, or at least, don't let her know I said it."

"I'll sort it out," said Leo with a grin.

"Thanks.  Do you wanna tell her?"

"You want me to?" Leo queried with surprise.

"If you want," he shrugged.

"You can do it."  
  
"Thanks," Josh beamed, already picturing Donna's face when he told her.

"Just remember though, Josh, don't take all the credit, I already planned this," Leo pointed out with a devilish grin.

"I was gonna talk to you about it," Josh defended.

"Yes, but I beat you to it.  Now, get out and let me know when Donna has a new title."

"Thanks, Leo," Josh said genuinely as he left.

---

"Donna, my office, now," commanded Josh as he breezed through the bullpen.  Rolling her eyes, Donna gathered her pen and notepad and followed him into his office.  "Close the door," he said as he settled himself into his chair.

"Josh?" prompted Donna after a few moments of silence.  "Josh, are you okay?" she asked hesitantly, beginning to worry.  Josh had been given the all-clear from the hospital the previous day, having completely regained his sight and he had been delighted at the news, working late to prove he was back to full-strength, but his silence now was concerning her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied.  "I'm just wondering the best way to break some news to you," he said seriously.

"What's wrong?" she asked in alarm.

"You can't work as my assistant anymore," he said bluntly.

"What?!  Why not?  Have I done something?"

"No."

"Have _you_ done something?"

"No!  Why is it that people think the best punishment for me doing something wrong is to threaten to remove you as my assistant?"  Donna just gave him a pointed look and he muttered, "Yeah, yeah, okay."

"Why can't I be your assistant anymore, Josh?" pressed Donna, obviously hurt.

"Well, technically you'll _still_ be my assistant, except… you won't be."

"What?  Josh, you're not making any sense."

"You'll still be working for me, but you'll more be working _with_ me."

"I don't work _with_ you at the moment?" she queried, completely confused.

"Yes, but… you're being promoted, Donna," he finally said, unable to keep up the pretense any longer.

"I am?" she beamed.

"Yes.  I convinced Leo that you should get to keep your current security clearance _and_ your assistant," he stated proudly.

"Really?"  There was no disbelief in her tone, but Josh caved anyway.

"I did suggest it, but he'd already decided to do it anyway," he admitted.

"What kind of promotion am I getting?  Do I just continue what I've been doing recently?"

"Kind of.  As well as helping me out at some meetings, you'll also be handling some yourself, keeping them off my desk so I can deal with longer term strategy."

"Really?" she asked, full of disbelief this time, but with an underlying hopeful tone.

"Yeah, you deserve it Donna.  It's been a rough few weeks and I honestly couldn't have got through them without your help."

"You'd have managed, Josh," she said with a slight blush.

"Do you know how many people kept coming up to me asking if I needed help to go anywhere, Donna?"

"No."

"Once people got used to my condition, which was actually when I _didn't_ need any help as I was also used to it, it was never-ending.  Seriously, I could feel them hovering anywhere I went, just waiting for me to literally trip up."

"They just care, Josh."

"I know, but I needed my independence.  You were the only one who realized that, Donna."

"Only after you pointed it out," she said quietly.

"No, you were trying to help me keep my independence from the start.  I know I yelled when I was feeling sorry for myself, and I know I took it out on you, but you were the only one I trusted, Donna," he said seriously, his voice quavering slightly.  "You were the only one that didn't keep asking me if I was alright.  I mean, come on, did people seriously think I wouldn't yell for help if I needed it?"  Donna looked at him and Josh replayed his words in his head.  "_That's_ exactly what I mean, Donna.  If anyone should have doubted my ability to ask for help, it should have been you, but it wasn't."

"I know what your threshold is, Josh, I know what you can handle."

"Yeah, you know _me_," he agreed.  "Anyway," he coughed, trying to lighten the atmosphere, "can I assume you want the promotion?"

"Damn straight!  Do I get a raise?" she grinned. 

"That's still in negotiation."

"Oh, okay," she said, disheartened.

"Don't worry, Donna, Leo's dealing with the raise, there'll be something in it, I just don't know how much."

"What's my job title?"

"That's also still in negotiation."

"Josh?"

"Yeah."

"Is there anything you _do_ know, you know, anything that's not 'still in negotiation'?"

"If you'd stop being a smart-ass, I was about to tell you that the job title is up for negotiation between us."

"Us?"

"You and me."

"I get to pick my own job title."

"Within reason, yes.  So, what job title do you want then, Donna?"

"I don't know, Josh, you've kind of sprung this on me, put me on the spot."

"You're telling me you don't have a list of possible job titles already made up?" he inquired dubiously.

"No, I don't, _you're_ the one who makes lists, Josh."

"Well, put your mind to work and start suggesting some titles."

"Can't I just think about it for a while and let you know my choice?"

"No, because I have veto rights."

"Why don't you just come up with a title for me yourself then, since you'll probably veto anything I suggest?"

"Because it's more fun this way."  At Donna's look, he added with a grin, "For me anyway."

"Alright, off the top of my head… Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff," she smiled.

"Deputy Dawg," replied Josh with a smirk.

"Adviser to Deputy Chief of Staff," retorted Donna.

"Adviser of useless factoids," said Josh challengingly.

"Senior Researcher," suggested Donna, only half-seriously.

"Senior Factoid Finder," shot back Josh, daring her to enter into a banter contest with him.

"Mopper Upper for Deputy Chief of Staff," said Donna with a proud grin.  "For when he spills coffee and food everywhere."

"Food Stealer," replied Josh.  "_That's_ your way of mopping up, you eat my food and drink my coffee, the coffee I have to get for myself, by the way."

Donna rolled her eyes and stayed silent for a moment, trying to think of either a way to get him back for his comment, or a serious suggestion to get them back on track.

"Senior Adviser to Deputy Chief of Staff," said Josh suddenly, and seriously.

"You have another adviser?" smiled Donna.

"You want it or not?" he asked, but with a smile lighting his eyes.

"I'll take it," she beamed.  "And, as your adviser, I advise you to sort out my raise if you want your _new_ assistant to even consider ever bringing you coffee."

"No, not bringing me coffee will still be your job, Donna, I can't handle too much change," he smiled.

"Seriously, Josh, thanks for this, I really appreciate the opportunity."

"Like I said," he shrugged, "you deserve it."

"You know, I never thought I'd say this, but you being blind wasn't necessarily a bad thing."

"How do you mean?"

"It's changed you, Josh, you seem more willing to talk about things now, things you would normally bottle up."  Josh dipped his head and Donna knew she shouldn't push things, but she needed to be sure he wouldn't go back to his old self.  "Just remember, I'm not just your adviser at work, Josh, I'm here whenever you need me."

"I know, Donna," he said seriously, raising his head and smiling at her.  "I agree it wasn't all a bad thing either, it's given me a new perspective.  You'd think that being shot and nearly killed would have been enough of a wake up call to make me appreciate what I've got, but this has emphasized it even more.  Things are going to change even further, but it'll take time."

"Thought you said you can't handle too much change?" she grinned.

"In small doses it's okay, besides, the changes I have in mind are going to have great benefits for me."

"Oh, and just what kind of changes do you have in mind, Josh?"

"Wait and see, Donna, just wait and see," he teased.

"As long as you can see it with me, I will," she smiled.  "I'm gonna go make up some new 'Senior Adviser to the Deputy Chief of Staff' letterheads."

"Just don't waste too much paper trying to spell it properly," he quipped.

"You're never gonna let that go, are you?"

"I'll let it go the day 'insuccessful' becomes a word."

"I'll be outside typing up my letterhead and then my new job description if you need me."

"Uh, shouldn't _I_ be writing your new job description?"  Donna looked at him.  "Yeah, okay, but I get veto rights on that too."

"Yes, Josh," she smiled, leaving his office and trying to wipe a huge smile off her face.

----

The End

Okay, this chapter turned out a bit differently from the way I planned (as did the whole fic, to be honest), but I hope y'all enjoyed it anyway.  That's it for this fic, so thanks for all the feedback and, when I get some time, I'll try and write some more of the WIP stuff I have on my website.


End file.
